The Non-Addict Approaching an Addict with Love and Concern: The Do's and the Don'ts

I am on a mission to help as many people as I can. I was in my daily AA meeting and one person really stuck out to me. She was attending the meeting to gain knowledge of alcoholism because she has a sister who is suffering from it and seems to be unreachable. Just like the addict, the sister was left with that famous question that leads each person to AA, "What is there left to do?"

After the meeting, I approached her and offered my advice. As we spoke she revealed how her sister wouldn't listen to her. I shook my head in understanding. I exclaimed that the addict will not listen to any type of preaching or direction. In order to reach her she would have to speak of ideas that she heard as simply that, ideas. If she told her sister that she thought that would be good for her, she would most likely reject the idea. Addicts are self-centered and suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder.

If you are trying to reach a loved one who is suffering from addiction, the best advice I can give you is not to tell them what to do, what they should do, what they have, what they will lose, etc.; they probably already know it. It is best to speak with the concern of their use being left out. You can speak about situations that may make them think about their own situation, but do not direct it at them. The have to want to get clean and sober; the pushier you are the further they will go. I know, I've been there and done that. We addicts are rebellious SOB's.

Leave out the concerned part of the conversation. Try to identify with their disease. Whatever problem you may have can be translated to their own problem. For example: OMG, my kids have been so bad today; I feel like crying. I get so fired up that I want to spank their butts so bad, but I know that if I am fired up I am likely to do something I regret and could hurt my kids; I don't want to do that.

This problem could be told to the addict by a non-addict and they could relate to the situation and emotion along with response. Addicts way of relating to above: OMG, everything seems so irritating to me; I just want to cry. I get so frustrated sometimes that I just want to have a drink, but I know I will probably end up drinking too much, changing the way I act. I could end up hurting the ones I love and I don't want to do that.

These thoughts seem to go on in the minds of an addict. It's like a constant battle of the wits inside the mind of an addict.

The topic of the addicts problem is a touchy subject and the addiction is likely to fight back. You have to learn how to maneuver around the addiction; there must be no evidence of attack to the addiction for it to allow the subject to listen. It is like a defense system; you have to know the right code or it blares with loud alerts.