Causes of Bullying

Society seems to be on a downward spiral with morality. The lack of morals is becoming too acceptable in today's world. People disrespecting each other over simple selfishness. That brings me to my topic, bullying. Bullies aren't just bratty teens  in school, they are adults too. Bullying has gone to extremes and the problem needs to be stopped before it even begins.
 According to NoBullying.com, the bully's intentions are to increase their popularity or power, bullies turn their wrath on victims who are perceived as weaker than them. They will never zone in someone they feel will be able to challenge or stand up to them. In order to understand causes of bullying you must realize that Bullying victims may:

• wear glasses
• be less popular
• be over or underweight
• be of a different race or religion
• be from a different socioeconomic background
• be gay or lesbian
• have a disability

Image Credit: Southern Poverty Law Center

I believe the cause of bullying lies further than the sole need to be powerful. The surroundings that a child has in this day and age teach greed, hate, and selfishness. How can we stop bullying when the world continues to grow in hate? Maybe if we would set better examples for our youth, there wouldn't be so much hate. Hate continues to rise while Obama is trying to offer more rights and freedom to people. The most recent report reveals that there were two types of hate groups that saw a significant increase  from 2010 to 2011: anti-Muslim and anti-gay groups (Ben Forer, 2012, ABC News, Hate Groups on the Rise in U.S., Report Says, http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2012/03/hate-groups-on-the-rise-in-u-s-report-says/).

I believe that music plays a grave part in influencing a child's behavior. I just asked my 9-year-old daughter what type of music she listens too and she said, "Pop." Mind you, my daughter is a gifted student who's a tattle tail in school. She lets adults know when someone is misbehaving. I appreciate that. When I asked her what music she thinks bullies listen to she said, "Rap." Even a 9-year-old is capable of identifying the violence music can display and teach kids. I'd like to show you an example of lyrics from one the top hits that teens are listening to: I ain't worried bout feature

Homeboy you's a pee on

Toilet seat a** n***a man I swear you getting peed on

Photo credit: Examiner.com

Man my jewelry so cold I walk around with the heat on

My alarm clock set just in case they wanna sleep on

(Read more: T-Wayne - Nasty Freestyle Lyrics | MetroLyrics)

Is this what the world has come to? Nasty music teaching our youth nasty attitudes. In studies performed to assess the reactions of young males exposed to violent rap music videos or sexist videos, participants reported an increased probability that they would engage in violence, a greater acceptance of the use of violence, and a greater acceptance of the use of violence against women than did participants who were not exposed to these videos (From the American Academy of Pediatrics, 2009, Impact of Music, Music Lyrics, and Music Videos on Children and Youth Council on Communications andMedia,

http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/124/5/1488.full).

We as parents have the responsibility to filter through every influence in our children's environment. Parent's cannot reach every single influence, but what we can reach we should reach. We can start by teaching our children moral values. Here are eight moral values that all people, not just children, should own: Respect, obedience, politeness, responsibility, humility, good manners, friendliness, and honesty (Jordin Keim, http://parenting.allwomenstalk.com/moral-values-to-teach-your-children/7/). Respect teaches a child that they are not better than anybody else. Obedience teaches them to listen even if they do not understand why; momma knows best. Politeness shows respect in which respect is returned. It also shows maturity and care. Responsibility teaches them to care for themselves without depending on others. Humility teaches love and kindness. I believe this to be of the utmost importance; humility is like the opposite of bullying. Humility shows selfless acts of love and kindness. It takes a strong person to show humility and that is what our kids need to be taught; not that it shows weakness. Good manners reflect the parenting of the child. With good parenting comes good manners; hopefully, they will pass them down to their own children. Friendliness shows a lack of judgment and teaches children to be kind to everyone. Honesty is important. I have a son that just can't get the concept of honesty. He has no problem telling someone they have a big belly, though. I never know if I can believe him. It is important to be honest but not when it hurts an innocent person. For instance, if a child is honest to their parents and tells them about a bully and the bully gets in trouble that would not be the same as telling someone they are ugly. We must teach our kids the correct use of honesty. I pray for this world daily. All of the kids I come in contact with seem nice, but reveal their true colors on social media. I fear that some kids are hiding their true colors from their parents because they know what they do isn't right, but they have a need to fit in at school. That is why we need to teach our children morals and hope that there are enough parents out there that will do the same so that we may change the world.

Let us not wait for the problem of bullying to occur before we take action; teach the kids morals and values now. We must fight from the beginning in order to change the end. I'm only one parent out of billions and I fail daily, but I try to teach my kids what is right. Do your best to prepare your children for the world. Let's leave better children to the planet, not a better planet for our children to destroy.

Gay Marriage is not Good for Society

I just read an article that spoke of how children are affected by the sex of their parents. Apparently, the author, Nathaniel Haas, of the article titled, "New Study Leaves No Doubt: Gay Marriage Good For Society," believes that children raised by gay couples are accelerated learners. There was a study taken to "prove" so. there were studies that marijuana was healthy while pregnant too, but does that make it true?

Looking into the children of nuclear families and that of same-sex parental families, the supposed higher educated children were from gay families. It may be possible that those families may be so grateful to have those children that they show them more attention. Gays cannot make babies, a lesbian couple could use sperm to conceive, but even with that they are less likely to have more than 2 kids seeing how the lack of procreation is playing a part.

Although the kids of the gay family may seem to be having an easy childhood does not change the fact that they may be affected and not showing any signs yet. Children are empty books waiting to be filled in; it is our job to write them a good story.

Everybody thinks that people who are against gay marriage get the idea from the Bible and have no room to use that with all the sins they endure daily. I know I sin, but I am trying to be better not worse. The article imposes that the traditional family is behind in values because some children from gay families showed higher intelligence than those from the traditional family. That does not prove that the children are smarter because of gay parents.The evidence that children raised by homosexual couples turn out okay is good news whichever side we take on this issue! However, just because something appears to get good results doesn't mean the method of getting those results is right does it? The end doesn't necessarily justify the means does it (Hotch)? There would need to be a wider study to show more proof. Education is good to have, but morals are more important. Life is not about how much you know, it is about how much you love. I love all people. loving somebody is not the same as letting them do whatever they want. A child who is given unlimited rights knows not of morality.

Our kids should learn to accept people for who they are, but not be taught that just because those people are accepted does not make what they do right. I feel like the End is coming sooner than later. This world is full of greed and empty of love and values. I understand that gays can't help their urges, but they must know that urges are meant to control. Just because something is desired through love does not make it right. The love of money, for example, is never a good thing.

When a gay male couple have a daughter and she gets her period, what are they going to do? Men and women have different roles in a child's life and the kids need those different emotions that are shown. I love that my husband is adored by our kids. He also takes the role of the dominant parent, the one I call on to help when the kids are out of control. My dad was the backup for my mom. He taught me to ride a bike and to fish. Having both sexes there for the child is important. If those kids in the study grew up around gay marriage and have no emotional issues, it is probably because they weren't taught that marriage is for a man and a woman, therefore, they have no real window to have emotional issues.

A man was meant to be with a woman; science says so and so does God.

Good vs Evil: Make a choice

I know that some of you who read my posts do not believe in God or Jesus, but I do. I have witnessed proof of his existence. He has shown himself to me in ways that I would only recognize, and if you were to open up to what is then you could see it too. There must be an idea lingering in the back of your back of your mind though. I mean, there are countless items of evidence that are beyond scientific explanation. Some people believe in evil but not good. Why is that? Well, there happens to be more proof of demons than Angels and I'll tell you why. Where do demons come from? Hell right? So if you lived in a fiery lake wouldn't you want to merge to the top and get out? Duh, of course you would. And Angels, where are they from? Heaven. Heaven is a place with no pain, fear, death, violence, or any difficulties; it is made of Joy and Love. Who wants to leave such an amazing place?

Yes, many question why God doesn't rid the world of evil, but the point of this life is prove that we can have faith and maintain humility. Life is trials and tribulations. All those children who die are blessed because they will never be tested like an adult. Children are innocent and are granted entry into Heaven automatically. This may seem ridiculous to a parent who lost a child, but isn't it a thought that could make the loss less painful; knowing they are living joyously with our Heavenly Father?

This is an image of Jesus rewarding the good deeds of Christians
at the Bema Seat of Judgement

For those who do not believe I ask you this:
"Would you rather believe in Jesus and he not be real and sleep eternally or believe in Jesus and find out he was real and live eternally in Heaven?"

I have total belief in Jesus, he saved us all. If you don't believe in him you should start, just in case He is real... (He is).

Acts 2:38 New International Version

Peter replied, "Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.

The Non-Addict Approaching an Addict with Love and Concern: The Do's and the Don'ts

I am on a mission to help as many people as I can. I was in my daily AA meeting and one person really stuck out to me. She was attending the meeting to gain knowledge of alcoholism because she has a sister who is suffering from it and seems to be unreachable. Just like the addict, the sister was left with that famous question that leads each person to AA, "What is there left to do?"

After the meeting, I approached her and offered my advice. As we spoke she revealed how her sister wouldn't listen to her. I shook my head in understanding. I exclaimed that the addict will not listen to any type of preaching or direction. In order to reach her she would have to speak of ideas that she heard as simply that, ideas. If she told her sister that she thought that would be good for her, she would most likely reject the idea. Addicts are self-centered and suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder.

If you are trying to reach a loved one who is suffering from addiction, the best advice I can give you is not to tell them what to do, what they should do, what they have, what they will lose, etc.; they probably already know it. It is best to speak with the concern of their use being left out. You can speak about situations that may make them think about their own situation, but do not direct it at them. The have to want to get clean and sober; the pushier you are the further they will go. I know, I've been there and done that. We addicts are rebellious SOB's.

Leave out the concerned part of the conversation. Try to identify with their disease. Whatever problem you may have can be translated to their own problem. For example: OMG, my kids have been so bad today; I feel like crying. I get so fired up that I want to spank their butts so bad, but I know that if I am fired up I am likely to do something I regret and could hurt my kids; I don't want to do that.

This problem could be told to the addict by a non-addict and they could relate to the situation and emotion along with response. Addicts way of relating to above: OMG, everything seems so irritating to me; I just want to cry. I get so frustrated sometimes that I just want to have a drink, but I know I will probably end up drinking too much, changing the way I act. I could end up hurting the ones I love and I don't want to do that.

These thoughts seem to go on in the minds of an addict. It's like a constant battle of the wits inside the mind of an addict.

The topic of the addicts problem is a touchy subject and the addiction is likely to fight back. You have to learn how to maneuver around the addiction; there must be no evidence of attack to the addiction for it to allow the subject to listen. It is like a defense system; you have to know the right code or it blares with loud alerts.

Finding Your Higher Power

We need to believe in something greater than ourselves; it's human nature. Now my higher power is God. Whatever or whoever you choose as your higher power is up to you. As an addict, I can get lost in life. When I feel like a problem is a bit much to handle, I ask God to give the patience and wisdom to continue. When I do what God wants me to I feel a great feeling of fulfillment within.

Spirituality isn't about getting to church every Sunday. It is nice to go to church but if you aren't actually paying attention and understanding what is being taught then it is irrelevant. Being spiritual is about doing your everyday routine and taking a moment to look around feel God in your presence. It's like when you go outside in the spring and you hear the birds chirping while the sun and wind caress your face; you have serenity.

It takes time and meditation to be able to feel that peace and serenity. I have that now that I am clean and sober. I go to the beach and admire the beauty of the emerald ocean that lie beneath the heavenly clouds and the calming blue sky. I stop to take it all in and I am so grateful that my higher power has allowed me to regain life; for the first time I am actually living. I enjoy the nature around me (except cockroaches). Just like in the AA promises, my whole outlook on life has changed. AA has been fulfilling those 12 promises since 1935. If you do not receive what is promised to you it is because you strayed from the ways of sober life. 

When you doubt your recovery remember that God could, and would restore you to sanity if He were sought.

1. If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through.
2. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
3. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
4. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
6. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
7. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
8. Self-seeking will slip away.
9. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
10. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
11. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
12. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.

The Promises of AA

THE A.A. PROMISES

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and selfpity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.

This is such a short way to explain what it is like to recover through Alcoholics Anonymous.

Thank you, Bill W. and Dr. Bob,

for creating such an amazing, life-saving, non-judgemental, program for us who want it. It works. It heals. It brings life to those who have lost it to drugs and alcohol.

Mental and Physical Triggers

This week I found myself drifting off into the fun memories of my addiction. I start to think about the silly drunken fun I had; in the first couple hours of drinking. When I realized I was thinking about how it felt good and fun I immediately through awful memories into mind as a reminder of what happens after the fun ends. There is something in drugs and alcohol that feels good; why else would we keep using?
I ask myself how on earth could I even fantasize about using after all the pain and suffering drugs and alcohol had brought upon my family and I. I guess that's the addiction trying to wedge itself back into my life, but that ain't happening. I've come way too far, and I love the life I have sober.
Any time you find yourself glorifying drinking or drugging, immediately think of the worst situation that happened because of your use. There is no positive outcome that could come from drinking and/or drugging.

Another trigger that may be plaguing your life can be "people, places, and/or things." I was in line at Tom Thumb one day and noticed the Bic lighters; one had a jar on it and the other had a pickle. I started to daydream about what my dealer would say if he saw me with a pickle on my lighter. It seems like almost everything I come into contact with has some kind of reminder hidden in it. I used for such a long time that everywhere, everybody, and everything is involved in my use in one form or the other.
My advice is to keep in mind why you are clean and sober; something bad has happened to each and every addict who is sober/clean today. If you have to control your use then you have a problem. Not only do the bad times remind me of why I don't want to use, but the good things that I have now that I am clean and sober. I love my family. I love my husband. I love my kids. All of them deserve to have "me" not the addict that buries "me" deeper and deeper with each use. My children are safe and have a happy home. No drink or drug is worth the risk that comes with it. Drugs and alcohol change "you." BeaUtiful.
Stay clean and sober; your life depends on it.

Are you living or simply existing?

Here is a question to think about: Are you living or simply existing? What is the difference, you may be thinking.
Exist: in existence or operation at the time under consideration; current.

The term "living" is a metaphor describing what you are doing with your life. I believe living is making a difference in the world. If we simply exist then we are just "there," helping is when we go outside of our existence to enter into another's existence. The two separate beings that exist coincide with one another to change the outcome of one's life. Taking action is more than existing. There is more to life than selfish acts. We become spiritually empty when indulging in selfishness. When we have the power to change someone's life and we act on it, our spirit comes alive and fills us with indescribable feeling; like a cool breeze hitting your face while standing under the warm sun.
I will not simply exist in this world, I will take action and make a difference. Not only will the person I help feel better, but so will I. I know when I do something good, Jesus is smiling down at me with joy. You all may not believe in Jesus, but you probably believe in some form of higher power.

Dinosaurs existed, humans should do more than exist; we are not dinosaurs, we have spirits and morality. Be the change. Be the light in the dark. Share a smile. Give compliments. Reach out. Don't judge. Love one another, after all we are all in this world together. Shine bright!
Don't be a dinosaur, they became extinct. :)

Always Wanting Something

 I am a girl who tends to always want something. I have ADD and feel the constant need to be doing something. I recently got a pet bird. A bird because the place where I live charges a $200 deposit plus $35/month rent for pets. I told my husband and gave him the whole "honey please, you know I like to have a pet, they aren't messy, etc." whining like a little girl.
Yes, I am spoiled by my husband. I usually get what I want, and that is ok because usually what I want is the simple things in life that I enjoy now that I am sober and clean. I used to clean out the bank and then some for drugs and alcohol. I enjoy the ability to get something went I want it. The price of being a drug addict is outnumbered compared to the price of a spoiled wife.
I love my life and I love the fact that my husband will do anything to make me happy as long as it is positive and not harmful or problem causing. He allows me to be me. Hey, what can I say, I'm spoiled brat with a smile on my face. When mama's happy everyone's happy.

Okay so let me give you guys an example of why I say I'm spoiled:
We will drive 30 miles to get my dippin' dots ice cream and I'm not even pregnant. Speaking of which, I need to go get some. I am not one of those snobby gotta have top of the line crap type of wives. I just have certain things that I like and I want what I want when I want it.

The Drug in Disguise

Do not be deceived by society's open acceptance of alcohol use. Just because it is accepted does not mean it is any less of a drug than Heroin.
I have been reaching out to fellow addicts who are in need of inspiration, support, and guidance. Sadly these addicts have disclosed to me that they do not accept alcohol as being a drug. Boy oh boy do they got another thing coming. I too thought alcohol was ok because of it's deminer in the public eye.
Every time I tried to get clean and continued to drink I ended up relapsing. I finally came to accept the fact that I have an "allergy" to alcohol; when consumed I get adverse, deadly reactions. Coming to this realization, I gained a sense of clarity that I never had before. I began to know peace.
I am saddened when I see these lost souls wanting the life of the clean and sober, but not willing to do what it takes. Eventually, they will see the hard truth that we in AA have so abundantly dispersed to the people who seek help through AA.
I give fair warning to those who still believe in drinking, knowing that my word will not be enough for them, they must experience the harshness of alcohol to come to finally let it go. I can only pray they find this realization before the three endings of addiction: Jails, Institutions, and Death.

Reaching Out

Reaching Out

When entering into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous or any of the "anonymous" addictions groups, you will be surrounded by people just like you; addicts. When you listen to what they say you will most likely begin to see a reflection of yourself in their stories. Seeing yourself in the stories allows you to accept the fact that you are an addict. Step one of the famous 12-step program is as follows: 1. We admitted that we were powerless of alcohol/drugs and that our lives had become unmanageable. This is the first step because you cannot begin to correct a problem if you cannot acknowledge that there is, in fact, a problem.

When you admit you are an addict you will become open to suggestions; desperation is what brings us to the rooms of A.A., etc. We were all desperate for help; our lives became unmanageable and we had to find a way out; we couldn't do it on our own.

The system of the A.A. works because other addicts who have found the way to recovery keep coming back to pass the message to the addict that still suffers. In A.A. there is a saying, "you can't keep what you have without giving it away." Number 5 of the 12 traditions of A.A. states the purpose of A.A.: Each group has but one primary purpose—to carry its message to the alcoholic/addict who still suffers.

You may be confused by the saying of not keeping what you have without giving it away, I mean if you give something away it's gone right? Not in this program. The newcomer reminds us where we came from and why we are here (at the A.A. meeting). These people need us; people who have been where they have been and found a solution. Addiction is unexplainable, it must be experienced to know the true nature of the addict. Helping others actually helps us too. We can keep the solution only by sharing our experience, strength, and hope. If there weren't recovering addicts in the anonymous rooms how would I have gotten clean and sober? You see it is inevitable; we have to share what we received in order to keep the faith, hope, and courage. Keep coming back!

Addiction is a Disease and should not be Treated as a Crime

Being an addict is not a choice. Addiction is a disease and should be treated like one. The

Medical Definition of Addiction:  Compulsive physiological need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal; broadly :  persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be physically, psychologically, or socially harmful—compare habituation (Merriam-Webster Dictionary).

Portugal has decreased the amount of drug abuse related illnesses and death by offering treatment to drug users instead of jail time. They decriminalized drugs in the personal use of addicts; the law for drug dealers and traffickers remains in place. This new approach to dealing with addiction has been successful in decreasing the amount of deaths from overdose and HIV caught from using dirty needles to inject heroin, cocaine, and other injectable drugs (Vastag, B., 2009, 5 Years After: Portugal's Drug Decriminalization Policy Shows Positive Results, retrieved from ScientificAmerican.com ).

(Photo courtesy of banana1015.com)

Portugal was the first country to try this new method of dealing with addiction. Spain and Italy have jumped on the same bandwagon and have decriminalized illegal drugs among personal users. I believe if addiction were treated like the disease that it is, our country would also be successful in lowering drug overdose deaths and HIV cases. This new plan of action could save numerous lives. Not only could it save lives but it could save "lives"

by eliminating drug charges of persons who suffer from addiction. When an addict gets his/her addiction under control and tries to live a normal life, the past can come up and bite them in the butt. I know this from personal experience.

The Pew Research Center surveyed 1,821 Americans. The survey asked, "In dealing with drug policy, should government focus more on providing treatment for people who use illegal drugs such as heroin and cocaine, or do you think it should focus more on prosecuting people who use these types of drugs?" (Beck, J., 2014, Treating Drug Abuse as a Disease, not a Crime, retrieved from TheAtlantic.com)

Gray segment represents 7 percent undecided. (Pew Research Center)
Photo retrieved from TheAtlantic.com

They answered: 26% believe in prosecuting drug users while a whopping 67% believe providing treatment would be a better choice.

 Americas problem with drug addiction could be solved by providing adequate treatment. I believe helping someone "get better" is morally correct. Why should addiction be treated any different from the other diseases? You don't see people in jail to treat depression, so why is addiction being treated with jail? America is supposed be the land of opportunity not the land of condemnation. The primary objective is to rid the USA of drugs. If there were less active addicts that would mean fewer clients of drug dealers leading to fewer sales and less profit. The drug dealers would have a harder time making money with fewer drug users. People sell drugs because it is easy money, eliminate active addiction and eliminate drug problems. Curing all the addicts is slim-to-none but America needs to at least try harder.

Social Media and the Effect it has on Body Image and Self-esteem in Women/girls

Social Media and the Effect it has on Body Image and Self-esteem in Women/girls

Social media embeds images of women with "perfect" bodies into the physical expectations of females. These types of expectations can injure a girls self-esteem; she may believe she is unattractive. This not only affects female emotions, but also that of males. Males get brainwashed by media to believe only a certain body type is beautiful.

These influences can cause depression and possibly suicide. Women may even turn to drugs to cope with their self-esteem problems, they may even use drugs to lose weight. The effect that drugs have on the body may be weight loss but along with that a drop in iron and other vitamins the body needs. So many depression and self-esteem problems could be avoided with a little more variety in body types from social media.

Women should feel comfortable in their own skin and society should urge this as well. I believe if movies, advertisements, etc., would focus on realistic body types when recruiting models/actors. More body types need to be implanted into society as beautiful. I myself have suffered self-esteem issues because I was called fat. When I was called fat I was only 145 lbs at 5'8"; far from fat. The reality is each woman has a different metabolism and different bone structure that creates their body type. We are all unique and should be able to take pride in how God created us.

http://www.divinecaroline.com/self/wellness/how-media-affects-self-esteem

This is an essay that I recently wrote for a narrative essay assignment. I thought I should share my own personal story to whoever needs to hear it. My story is very strong and very moving to many. I hope you enjoy.

There is always room for change

I was born to a loving mother and father. I had two older brothers and one older sister. There was a huge age gap between my siblings and I. My father was a successful business owner and my mother worked for the phone company. They had their own house, a boat and a Corvette. It would seem life was well intact, until a little disease called addiction manifested in the life of my father. My life changed rapidly and drastically from then on. My father had become addicted to Lortab.

Addiction is like a plague that affects everyone it comes in contact with. Being an addict has destroyed many relationships in my lifetime. I have lost everything and felt powerless in trying to regain what I had lost. The darkness that comes with addiction felt like a dark void that hovered over me, forcing me further down into the depths of darkness. Like any void, there are walls but those walls are steep and hard to climb. Taking the incentive to climb that wall and get out of the darkness is the choice that I had to make and it was not an easy pill to swallow. The hardest part into recovery is the beginning but it is worth it.

The downward spiral spun out of control and into an abyss of darkness. My father was partnered with his brother at the company he started. When his brother realized my father had a problem he took him to court to gain sole ownership of the company; he won. Now that we no longer had the business, my family depended on my mother to support us. I spent a lot of time with my older sister. My sister was wild and enjoyed experimenting with drugs. When I got to be twelve years old she decided it was time for me to join in on the fun; she wanted me to feel like she felt. At twelve years old I was doing cocaine, LSD, drinking, smoking, shooting up OxyContin, and having sex with much older men. I didn’t know any better. I just knew that I wanted to be like my older sister who was so beautiful, cool and popular with the guys.

After a while of constantly getting high, I began getting depressed, and my answer was self-mutilation. When my mother and father realized I needed help they took me straight to a drug rehabilitation center. Seeing I was only twelve, the personnel were concerned and reported my situation to the Department of Children and Families (DCF). I ended up in a girl’s home, a foster home, stayed with some relatives, and ended up in juvenile program.

When my sister went to prison, as a result of her drug use, the DCF allowed me to return home. I kept using. I finally got clean for a couple years. I ended up in an abusive relationship. I felt the heartache was too much to bear; I turned to cocaine and alcohol again. I overdosed and had a seizure, but that wasn’t enough to stop my use. My cocaine use turned into abuse and then turned into a much more addictive form; crack cocaine.

Crack cocaine was like a succubus that drained my life from within in my grasp in a minimal amount of time. It was like I was possessed and nothing mattered but my drug. I lost my children to the state and had my rights terminated. It seemed as if my life was over. I sold crack and used it. Eventually, my sister stole all of my money and drugs, and I was left empty handed. I needed my fix. I resorted to selling my body. That is something no woman wants to do. I had no care in the world, but, deep down my soul was screaming for help.

My eldest brother died, my sister died, and my father died, all from drugs. How could I continue knowing what the outcome would be? I needed God. I hung my head in shame any time I thought of God and how I was a disgrace to him. I had blood transfusions because the drug was eating my body and destroying my mind.  I was on my way to the grave. There had to be a way out.

After I was on the street for a while, I met a man that would change my way of thinking and give me a new hope. I fell deeply in love with him, more than the love I had for my drug. In the beginning we partied together, but when our relationship began to evolve into something real and unique, the drugs became a problem. I slipped in and out of active addiction for two years.  Finally one day I took a deep hard look at what I was falling into. I realized I could lose everything all over again.  I told my husband I needed to go to a Cocaine Anonymous meeting.

 These meetings gave me hope, wisdom, and courage. The people who shared their stories seemed to be telling part of mine. I heard what they said and I listened. I gave up alcohol and drugs. I found God. I am closer to God than I have ever been. I am grateful to have been through the valley of the shadow of death and managed to find my way out.

Now I have the hope and courage to share my story with the addicts who still suffer. I am here, and I am free. I went to the depths of hell, and God gave me a chance to redeem myself. After all the falls and all the wounds that came with the falls, all I have are the scars to remind me of how far I’ve come. I never want to go back. I found my path out of darkness even when there wasn’t a shed of light. I had to be the one to get up and find it.

 

All of these Emotions

Here lately I have been on an emotional roller coaster. It seems like so many things are working against me. Being clean and sober comes with the harsh return of emotions. When I was in active addiction I would cloud out any extreme emotion with drugs, alcohol seemed to intensify them. Now that I am clean and sober that numbness is not an option nor something I would even dare to desire.

At times when I've had a stressful day I imagine how I used to have a glass or two of wine and that would calm my nerves. But I know that small amount of comfort could lead to a huge amount of pain. I suck it up and take it like a woman; men couldn't possibly fathom even the idea of what emotional states women go into.

Now that I have been clean and sober for awhile I have come up with a new set of coping techniques. When I've had a hard day I usually stay in the kitchen for awhile cooking or just pacing while I text my husband. I look to him for comfort and it works. I know many of you out there don't have a significant other, so I urge you to find a meeting and get some phone numbers. If you aren't able to do that then make sure to have a friend or family member you can't count on to just listen to you vent so that all of your emotions don't stay bottled up; eventually they will explode.

I myself have anxiety, depression, ADD and OCD. Most addicts have OCD seeing how being an addict consists of being obsessed with a drug, using on compulsion and definitely have a disorder. We are not like other people, we are very unique and need special care. Addicts are usually super smart people. I am pretty smart I must say, I graduated with a 3.17 GPA and maintained that GPA throughout vocational school. I am now a student at Ohio Christian University pursuing my Bachelor's Degree in Substance Abuse/Addictions Counseling. You see I gave up hope on continuing education because of my Felony charge of Possession of Cocaine. Being a convicted felon keeps me from getting a job at almost any business I apply. I knew I couldn't be a psychiatrist because they write prescriptions. I told my last Probation Officer about my doubts and she told me that I could be a counselor and still be able to continue my education. I found a good school and started immediately. I have been getting straight A's so far.

Being an addict doesn't mean we lose intelligence, we think too much about everything. I encourage you all suffering to make a change and be the person you want to be. There is always new hope. There are always places that are meant for people like us to be hired.

I encourage any of you that read my post to contact me if you have any questions. You don't have to be the addict, you could be a friend or family member that have concerns about a loved one. I am here to help. One saying in all of the anonymous groups is that you can't keep what you have without giving it away. This means in order to remain humble and serene I must pass the message to others.

I'M HERE AND I'M FREE!!!!

Taking Life for Granted

Life comes in different forms to each person. Some people are fed from a silver spoon, some from a metal one, some from plastic and some don't even have a spoon. These are all metaphors, though, you get idea. So many addicts use to deal with pain in their lives. Here is the problem; people often exaggerate their hardships and make them much more than what they truly are. Doing so hurts themselves and others around them. If we could only do the same with the good we would be much happier.

I was up last night with my husband reading about ISIS and how they were beheading Christians. I was so emotional after watching a video of ISIS beheading children. I was horrified and had this feeling that I was taking my life for granted. My family and I are going on a vacation and we are worried it might rain. This seems insignificant compared to the struggles of many people around the world. I have had my fair share of darkness and pain but I try to always be optimistic about life and enjoy the blessings rather than focus on the hardships.

I also acknowledge that just because someone else is having a grave injustice done to them doesn't make my own problems just disappear. Each one of us has problems, some greater than others yet they are still problems. Any time I think that I have a problem that is really difficult and stressful I'm always grateful that my problems are not more than what they are.

When you are having a bad day try to imagine the children of Islam and the trials they are facing, be grateful that your problems are fixable, if indeed they are. There is always somebody out there who has it worse than you. This doesn't mean that your problems are not hard it just means that you can overcome them. Be strong. Be faithful. Be Grateful.

Enjoying Life After Active Addiction

Today my life is so much different than it was just 8 months ago. After coming to the realization that alcohol was no longer on my "can-do" list I began thinking about how boring my life was gonna be. I'm clean and sober and I can surely say my life is far from the brink of boredom, it doesn't even get eyesight of what boredom is. I enjoy my time with my wonderful children. I enjoy learning about God. I enjoy doing my college work and receiving great grades, I have a brain after all. Life is good and life has been revived from the death of addiction.

In the month's that have past and I've been clean, my family and I have been able to save money. Now we are able to go on a family vacation to Orlando. We will be going to Universal Studios and Seaworld! Being clean has many benefits and I plan to reap them all. I am taking life head-on and I am succeeding. There is Life after active addiction. It does take some time to get that emotional stability after being on mind altering substances for such a long time but it is worth it. There is something good for every addict that suffers they just got to get up and take it. The door is open and inviting, don't let your addiction keep you from the Joys real life has for you. There is only three ends paths that addiction will take you and that is Jails, Institutions and Death; Choose your path wisely.

Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference,
in Jesus' name, Amen.

*You are free to choose your own higher power.

Acceptance

When we start our new life being sober and clean it can be hard to accept the cold reality of having an incurable disease. Some people like to think that they are different and can handle their life using. The path of consuming drugs and/or alcohol is inevitable; jails, institutions or death.

At my start I wouldn't accept that alcohol was a problem as well and to be clean I had to give up alcohol. That was so tough for me. My family has pool party's in the summer and there is always alcohol. I told myself that I could drink on occasion, I lie I'm all too familiar with, but what happens when I decide to drink more and end up drunk? I always want to get higher than the alcohol could take me. I realized my life and family was not worth the occasional drink. When I finally accepted that it felt like a huge rush of relief. I could breath easy and enjoy life for what it truly is. I am happy with my life, family and myself. Nothing could worth more than being positively happy with my family. My kids are happy with their mommy. It's amazing that with a blink of an eye you finally see the light (Famously sung by Aerosmith's Steven Tyler).

Acceptance is one of the most important keys to having peace within. Set yourself free and be you! You were made by God and God doesn't make mistakes. You are precious and beautiful. There is always a second chance you just have to want it and take it! Free yourself!

Rome Wasn't Built in a Day

When you come to the day that begins your journey into recovery it can seem like so much and you can feel like you can't handle the fight through the storm its good to remember the famous quote, "Rome wasn't built in a day". It took you more than a day to get so down and out of control so you can expect the same when coming out.

When I began my journey to recovery I had used up every penny in the bank and caused our account to go negative over $800 and it kept going with all the NSF fees. My husband had a hard time understanding that I had a disease and it wasn't an easy journey to recovery. I had a rough first month. The hardest part was admitting that alcohol was a problem too. When I finally let go of the alcohol and spoke it aloud in a meeting with fellow addicts it felt as if an enormous weight was just removed from my back. We as addicts can't think of never being able to get high again so we came up with a solution and that is to take one day at a time. Just for today I will refrain from the use of any mind altering substances. If that seems like too much try 5 minute increments and before you know it those minutes turn into hours then days then months then years.

I myself didn't do well with just for today because then I would have a whole plan of getting high for the next day and I would get high. The way I stay clean is to stay in contact with God and Jesus. One definite action I use to stay clean is to enjoy life without alcohol. I finally understood alcohol is not necessary to have fun, all you need is Hope, Love and Faith, the greatest of these is in fact Love.

You can do it! All you have to do is want it.

If you Want it Here it is Come and Get it!

My journey into addiction began at a very young age. I was in foster homes, rehabs and Juvenile programs. I had kids at a very young age and ended losing all parental rights because I couldn't get clean and sober. I hit rock bottom so many times. I would get clean but continue to drink, this was my biggest mistake. I went to meetings and thought that I was different, I could drink and stay clean. I was so wrong. It took 15 years for me to admit I was also an alcoholic. It wasn't until then that I actually started to begin my journey on the clean and sober path. It all became so clear after that.

It was very difficult to let go of alcohol because of my age and desire to go party at clubs. I'm 27 years old and I couldn't be happier with my decision to stop drinking. I have a beautiful family and everybody is so happy. I am currently enrolled in Ohio Christian University seeking out my Bachelor's Degree in Substance abuse/Addictions Counseling. I'm hoping to reach out to addicts and help them especially young people and being young myself gives me a little head way.

If you think you may have a problem with drugs or alcohol chances are you do. I know it's hard to stay straight when you are young and all your friends are partying, but when your addiction grabs you and takes you down those friends will disappear and you will be ALONE. Find your nearest A.A., N.A. or C.A. meeting and go just to see. I went and it changed my life after 15 years of drug abuse off and on I took what they had and now I am clean and sober with a good life, great husband, happy mom, happy kids and a happy me. God has been there with me through it all, he is my higher power. You may not believe in God but he believes in you and so do I! You can do it!!!